Sure, in retrospect it was a bad idea.
You are the hot little neighbor girl, we’ll call you echo. Always popping up wanting to chit chat. Leaving your window shades wide open. Constantly telling me when you are turning 18. Of course, I already know as I have the date marked on my calendar.
You always want me to join you at Bible study. I never go. Not the main character in that narrative. But seeing as you were the first person to come to my aid after I was taser-ed yesterday, I gave in.
Besides, the last time I went into a six flags over Jesus arena, I got several numbers. I polished off the whiskey, put on some axe deodorant and stumbled into cuties mom’s car for the ride. Don’t ask, you know why.
I caught my reflection in the rear window and smiled to myself. That smile would be short lived.
I knew when the ushers asked me to leave the sanctuary after I got caught making some withdrawals from the offering basket going around that this was not going to end well. Who knew the four horsemen were mounted and up to speed. Not this guy. Lo, I beheld Satan fall from heaven, And he landed in my ass.
As I got up to leave, the people at the front thought I was answering some call to come forward and ‘testify’. Insert applause, encouragement to come down and the baffled look of the ushers and there I was. Front and center. I was totally ready to excuse myself and bolt, that is until I saw it.
Falling from the rafters like a new Jerusalem, (insert Inception soundtrack here).
The giant mega screen. The main one, and there I was plastered all over it. With hot neighbor girl next to me joyfully crying. I remember hoping my erection didn’t show. Or maybe I did...
But I had no time to check. The microphone was in my hand...
...
The police report will say that I was indeed assaulted by the peaceful kingdom -Lutheran redeemer- resurrection - pilgrim life saints, Missouri synod, of Louisville but only after I had sex with a minor inside the baptismal font. But that ain’t the half of it. The public nudity charge was thrown on because when the curtain rolled up, there I was - on stage - in the font - ‘biblically” getting to know said neighbor.
What it doesn’t say is that the frisky choir director, which turned out to be the pastors wife and echo’s mom was also naked. Only earlier, right after they wrestled the microphone from my hand but before the fire started in the rear vestibule. It doesn’t say that because they don’t know that.
Hence my post here. Was wondering if the mom might have a recording of me on stage. Would like to have that pending my completion of community service and the EPO says I can't have direct contact. Hit me up...
Peace in Christ,
N.
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