You were celebrating your kids birthday and when you almost mistakenly walked into the mens room that I was coming out of, I knew that fate had brought us together.
Sure it was a family establishment. Your husband, your three children, your brothers, your parents, a cousin, the BFF, your in-laws and even your pastor were all there too. Probably a 20 top if I recall...
It was 7 years ago. I was the guy at the front yelling about the retard bartender who didn’t seem to know what a Miller High Life or a MGD was! I mean, I’m getting angry all over again just thinking about it.
I had some real zingers during that heated exchange. I’m sure you remember even though you were on the other side of the building and behind glass and in the midst of a party.
I learned later that apparently they don’t serve MGD or Miller High Life at Chuck E Cheese’s. In fact, no beer what-so-ever. What. The. Fuck? How does one cope with children without alcohol?
But when we almost bumped into each other at the restroom intersection and you said smiling, “Oops, one too many slurpies, excuse me...” I knew you were ready to ditch the family and run away with me. I remember it like yesterday. Gwen Stefani was singing, Hollaback girl. The Spurs had just won the NBA finals and you were unforgettable. The shy smile. The excessive eyeliner. The cleavage that said, these have life milk.
I of course, sacrificed myself for your family by NOT tempting you further. I was strong for both of us. Especially since your children were still in diapers at the time and, well, I don’t do diapers. So I proceeded to get extremely drunk in the hopes that you would look away and stay with your young family. It worked and yes, I always carry my own alcohol.
But now the time has come. Fate cannot be postponed another minute. The restraining order/statute of limitations is expired. I am here...
Yes, here as in, I work at the very same Chuck E Cheese now. Imagine that!
I have waited for you. Just as you have no doubt been wondering, even despite your lack of mentioning it here...Ever. Nope, not once in 7 years...You must have took it pretty hard. I get that.
If you fail to recognize me, I’m in the Chuck E mascot suit. Thank god for Vodka.
N.
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