Master of the Universe Jamie Dimon went before Congress yesterday, tugging his well-compensated forelock and explaining how terribly, terribly sorry he was to have had J.P. Morgan Chase, the death star for which he is currently employed, soak the system for $2 billion in losses through the kind of exotic trading that every Master of the Universe pinky-swore would never, ever, happen again after similar shenanigans nearly ate the world. First, he read out the conditions of his nolo plea for being pretty much the kind of same hubristic, reckless high-roller that all of them are, despite the fact that I have to listen to the kept press of the financial-services industry — hello, CNBC! — repeatedly tell me what a good guy he is. Gaze in awe:
What Went Wrong:
We believe now that a series of events led to the difficulties in the synthetic credit portfolio.
Translation:
The people we hired and the people who hired them, do not know what they are doing.
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