First you passed me in the produce section. You stopped just in front of me to examine a cucumber. I nearly jizzed in my pants right there. But you were just getting warmed up.
By chance, we again met in aisle 3. If by chance you comprehend that I purposefully waited to see which aisle you would go down and then I double-backed around to face you as we passed. So yea, by chance.
You were pretending to not notice me which was all I needed to understand just how hot for me you really were. If you weren’t, you would have just said hi. You put some long, corn on the cob into your cart and strolled effortlessly away. My blood pressure rose.
My cart had the one bad wheel that dragged, loudly throughout the store. The kid with the mop wasn’t exactly excited about the scuff marks I was leaving in my wake either.
Aisle 4. Aisle 5. Aisle 7. Aisle 9. Meat. We kept meeting by chance the entire time!
Around aisle 12 you finally spoke.
“Are you going to put anything into your cart while you stalk me or did your girlfriend forget to email you the list?” Right hand on hip. Nails red. Cleavage pulling me in...
*cough* “Ah, yes. I mean no. Yes! I am shopping and no I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Shocking.” You said rather blandly as you dropped the low salt V-8 juice into your cart without care and glided off. How could you know that was my favorite?!
What a flirt. I quickly speed raced my loud cart into dairy to beat you to the ice cream section but some bratty kid was crying about Flinstone yogurt and blocking the way. So I ran him over. Hey! Relax, I did the mom a favor. Next time he’ll stay in the goddamn cart seat like a toddler should!
“Security to aisle 14. Code 9.” Blared the overhead speakers.
My cart wheel was really dragging now and I pushed even harder to race to meet you but alas, my phallic symbol shopper had skipped ice cream and went right to check out. Dammit. It was then that I realized I was dragging not only a bad wheel but the bratty kid. Kind of explains the increased torque. All stuffed up under my left front wheel. He seemed traumatized. I decided to shop later and depart with haste.
So... would love to finish our chat. I ah, can’t really shop at that particular Kroger anymore but would love to know where you shop for fresh, hard, long bread.
N.
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