Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I boned your plastic Santa (Front lawn)

Holy shit. I'm still drunk as I write. What a night. Lets see, from what I can piece together... 
I wrecked, stumbled a few blocks, stripped down and had sex with your lawn ornament Santa around 3am. I know you saw me because you were yelling at me to get off your lawn. 
I was really laying the high hard one to him under the mistletoe.

But since you did this in your night gown I am now your stalker. Forever. Really. I'm not kidding. 
I can't remember the address but I know the street so I just need to find the blown out ass of what was once a life size Saint Nick. Did I mention I love you?

I also would like my jeans back. They were 45 bucks at PacSun. 

I'm not sure how the reindeer caught on fire. Nor why the sleigh was in the middle of the street. Seems like there would be a reason. Not that it matters now since the fire trucks hit it. 
How did they miss an 8 foot sleigh in the middle of the street? 
Jiminy fucking Christmas!

Oh, right. It's slowly coming back to me now. I used it to pry the fire hydrant open to put out the burning Reindeer. Makes perfect sense now. 
So not a total black out. Just a brown out. Maybe I will remember where I wrecked my car and which bar has my debit card. Gonna be a good day.

Still it doesn't clarify why I catapulted a flaming reindeer through your bay window. Maybe blitzen. Or Donner. Yea, Donner I think. Well... hopefully no hard feelings. I blame the Tequila. Kids will be kids right?

Not me of course, I mean your kids. Screaming and crying and carrying on like that! I mean, come on. Geesh, if I had a dime for every time a jolly fat man got ass pounded in MY front lawn as a kid I'd be owner of a small string of adult bookstores by now. And besides, I turned out ok. Sure, I don't recall fiery Reindeer crashing directly into my living room at zero dark thirty after seeing Santa's bung hole being raped but... I didn't have a bay window. 

So lets call it even and start afresh.
Happy Holidays,

N.

Monday, December 10, 2012

We travel as equals or not at all (redemption city)



 "The only way we can survive...
is to travel as equals or not at all.”




I.
Though narcissism demands the right to self-identify, narcissists are often unable to do so because they don't know what it is they want to be.  Who am I?  What are the rules of my identity? So people look for shortcuts, like modeling oneself after another existing character or someone from TV which ISN’T real of course but just try and tell them that. 

“I don’t cry at funerals because I’m the kind of guy who has seen some hairy shit in my day.” Which translates that our speaker was raised on 80’s action movies.

But the considerably more regressive maneuver is to define yourself in opposition to things.  "I can't tell you what I want for dinner," says the toddler, "but I am certain I don't want that. Or that. Or that.” You the narcissist can always tell another what you are not. 

Now you can go through life floating, letting hate, the darkside of the force, or the easy path, guide your reactions. It seems certain that you have a fully formed identity because of the magnitude of your passions, emotions, and responses, but you can only operate in response, never first, never with commitment or vision. I know the young lady with the “Obama is a muslim” poster thinks she is driven by love, but that doesn't really come through her, does it? Her hate defines her. "I'm anti-leftist"  We get it.
What does she want? Can she articulate it meaningfully, not in platitudes or "Keep Christ in Christmas" or "Amurrica means freedom" soundbites? They can't tell you because they don't know. They can, however, yell at you what they don't like, and the louder they yell it the more they hear it themselves.

II.
Nothing is expected to be accomplished, it is all for branding. The enemy of the day is "terrorists" but that's not an actual thing now is it? Kind of like “Wall Street” and the cops that #OWS were so earnestly hoping would assault them weren't their enemies either, they are proxies for Wall Street which is a proxy for something else that I am going to politely refrain from suggesting is the big other.

The right wing sign holder and the left wing protestors didn't realize they were themselves bit players in someone else's movie, the media's movie, which offers this clip and others like it so that you, the viewer, can easily define yourself by who you hate.  "That's what the ratings said you wanted," studio execs say, perplexed.  "Were we wrong?"  No, no, you were right. Carry on.  

If I hate the protestors, I'm on Wall Street's side, and vise versa, no further branding, let alone thought, is necessary.  If I hate the “god hates fags” sign holders then mission accomplished. But none of this is thinking. We have lost the ability to do that because we are so busy hating what we are told to hate. But it defines us so we at least have that.

III.
So you are saying N. that it’s the media’s fault?

Look at you. So cute with your contrived attempt to not see yourself as involved. 

I'm fairly confident that a study of comparing 22 idiots to 21 other idiots done by, apparently, idiots, most likely explicitly done for the mass consumption of more idiots is not a study worth repeating, but you can be sure it will be repeated many, many more times and eventually form the foundation for future research not to mention conventional wisdom for the next 25 years. Yet, you read the study and if it suits you, you will quote it.

No, strike that. You *might* read an article that was written by someone who cites the study but who, like you, hasn’t actually read it. 

The media has chosen the easy path because that's what you want, we want to be told that liberals are psychopaths and cops are Wall Street heavies and white men are entitled jerks and this guy's a hoax/for real, all so that the rest of us can decide which side of that invented controversy we are on so that we remember who we think we are. 

 "I hate something!" says the person who is out of ideas. 

IV.
The societal question is what has happened to many people that they are unable to define themselves, or affirm their value, except through another person? The rise in murder-suicide may be best explained as it relates to the rise in narcissism. We are defined by others, and when those others see thru our bullshit and act, the jig is up. And we get nasty. Walking away won’t do because a narcissist’s identity (thru you) is all they have. Bullets will fly.

Look, I’m in this shit just as deep as you. You want me to give you the answer. Quit the long winded connections missed and just tell you the new and proper identity so you can assume it. Become it without the hard work. 

But that is the problem. There is no short cut. You won’t learn the new way with a 45 second montage clip. The way out isn’t a path we have all just happened to miss up till now. I know, it FEELS like just one more Facebook status update will REALLY change things, one more lover, one more election, one more law, one more beer, one more X this time will create Y but alas, it won’t. It never will. Your ipod theme tracks won’t save you today.

The key to beginning to think correctly is not to ask, what should I believe, or what beliefs would a person like me have now that I am X? 

They key is to be defined by your actions. Especially when no one is looking and... no one is. 

How do I act if I’m unsure of what to believe first?

Finally, some progress is made. If this next bit sounds counter intuitive thats because it was meant for you. 
Your action fills in the belief. That's it.
If I’m correct, just the thought of no one seeing your actions has depressed and perplexed you. How can the movie that is you be seen without an audience? 

“In your way, you find a way free.
... Give it up, give it up, give it up to your destiny.”

V.
There is no act 5. Not here anyway. It is what you do next. Not what you think, feel or believe but what you do next that will be act 5. Go get em Tiger.

N.
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