I touch myself (When I think about you me)

The down side of narcissism is that you are always preserving the self which hardly leaves time for meaningful connections.

The up side is, since your busy preserving yourself, you don’t notice. And when you do, there is a some pills/drinks/sex for that.

You see, its all about what I think and not what I do, that matters. 

I think I should talk to that hot person standing over there. I think they looked at me. I think I would look good with them at my side in the movie that is me.

But I don’t. And I won’t. Just like I think I should exercise more when I notice the fat. But I don’t. I may buy gym memberships, weights, DVD’s...but I will never use them.

I have no intention of trying. Only planning endlessly to try (Also called: Obsessing). In fact I will devour the entire bag of potato chips instead of exercising. That way, I can always be trying. Infinitely trying. I hate me. And...the failure keeps the story going.

Since what I actually do doesn’t matter, only what I think, I can now preserve this moment, make it into a summer blockbuster, by telling someone.

Thats what stories are for. To have more of me told to more of you.

(In narcissism believing something is preferable to doing something because the former is about you and the latter is about everyone else.)

This is a tragic comedy of course because that is what is inevitable and anything else would require work on my part. Fuck. That. 

The original story is 5 acts.

Act I. Introduction/exposition

Act II. Rising action

Act III. Climax

Act IV. Falling action

Act V. Denoument or what the fuck was that all about?

Every story after that is a repeat...

In this case the climax is NOT I saw a hot girl or she saw me or we saw each other. The climax is I didn’t do anything about it.

And the ACT V that sustains me to do the sequel ad nauseam is that I choose to self loathe so that I can in fact fail. Failing, especially on purpose, is easy work. A girl that actually says hi to any advance I can muster?...that is hard. What now...?

Obsessing and ruminating is a skill at which we are all tremendously accomplished, and admittedly that feels like mental work because it's exhausting and unrewarding, but I can no more ruminate my way through a life crisis than a differential equation. Brainstorming is NOT work. Its mental masturbation. 

So is dreaming. Someday, someone is going to somehow know just know how awesome I really am....and not this joke I am now... Oh, the lies we tell ourselves.

The mistake is in thinking that misery and self-loathing are the "bad" things you are trying to get away from with Ambien and Abilify or drinking or therapy or whatever, but you have this completely backwards. Self-loathing is the defense against change, self-loathing is preferable to actual mental work.

 You choose misery so that nothing changes, and the Ambien and the drinking and the therapy placate the misery so that you can go on not changing. That's why when you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you don't immediately crank out 30 pushups, you open a bag of chips. You don't even try, you only plan to try. The appearance of mental work, aka masturbation.   

The goal of your ego is not to change, to preserve itself. It thinks its you and you are it. But you are only what you do.

And scene,

N.

Pixar story rules...

Pixar story artist Emma Coats has tweeted a series of “story basics” over the past month and a half — guidelines that she learned from her more senior colleagues on how to create appealing stories:

#1: You admire a character for trying more than for their successes.

#2: You gotta keep in mind what’s interesting to you as an audience, not what’s fun to do as a writer. They can be v. different.

#3: Trying for theme is important, but you won’t see what the story is actually about til you’re at the end of it. Now rewrite.

#4: Once upon a time there was ___. Every day, ___. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___.

#5: Simplify. Focus. Combine characters. Hop over detours. You’ll feel like you’re losing valuable stuff but it sets you free.

#6: What is your character good at, comfortable with? Throw the polar opposite at them. Challenge them. How do they deal?

#7: Come up with your ending before you figure out your middle. Seriously. Endings are hard, get yours working up front.

#8: Finish your story, let go even if it’s not perfect. In an ideal world you have both, but move on. Do better next time.

#9: When you’re stuck, make a list of what WOULDN’T happen next. Lots of times the material to get you unstuck will show up.

#10: Pull apart the stories you like. What you like in them is a part of you; you’ve got to recognize it before you can use it.

#11: Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.

#12: Discount the 1st thing that comes to mind. And the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th – get the obvious out of the way. Surprise yourself.

#13: Give your characters opinions. Passive/malleable might seem likable to you as you write, but it’s poison to the audience.

#14: Why must you tell THIS story? What’s the belief burning within you that your story feeds off of? That’s the heart of it.

#15: If you were your character, in this situation, how would you feel? Honesty lends credibility to unbelievable situations.

#16: What are the stakes? Give us reason to root for the character. What happens if they don’t succeed? Stack the odds against.

#17: No work is ever wasted. If it’s not working, let go and move on - it’ll come back around to be useful later.

#18: You have to know yourself: the difference between doing your best & fussing. Story is testing, not refining.

#19: Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating.

#20: Exercise: take the building blocks of a movie you dislike. How d’you rearrange them into what you DO like?

#21: You gotta identify with your situation/characters, can’t just write ‘cool’. What would make YOU act that way?

#22: What’s the essence of your story? Most economical telling of it? If you know that, you can build out from there.

Presumably she’ll have more to come. Also, watch for her personal side project, a science-fiction short called Horizon, to come to a festival near you.

http://www.pixartouchbook.com/blog/2011/5/15/pixar-story-rules-one-version.html