I liked how we began. The ending? Not so much.
So I answered an ad for a masseuse with high expectations for a happy ending. Turns out this "professional" didn't have a license or a key to her own "shop".
When I mentioned the words HPV vaccinations, she said, and I quote, "What?". Your probably thinking-- So. What could go wrong with that scenario?
After climbing through the window, she opens the door and speaks to me as if she is seeing me for the first time, despite the fact that I picked her up at her apartment and she rode with me.
"Hi. Welcome. Come on in", as she mats her hair back into place.
As I entered, there appeared to be a massage table, lotions, candles and towels all neatly in place. A positive development except, that is, for a giant poster of a penis covering a door. Ignoring as best I could the penis poster,
I started to relax.
As I unzip my jeans she drops to her knees and tries yanking the Little N. out.
"Hey! Easy. Kinda want the therapeutic first, then full session..."
She was annoyed and while I disrobed she haggled over the money. So I finally said, "Half now, half when we are done." After a few back and forths, she agreed.
As I announced already, it started quite well. Possibly better than expected. I was feeling pretty loose. I did faintly notice the buzz of drills or at least what I could make of it. Maybe next door.
Oh yea. She flipped me over and within a few she had grabbed my erectness and began to jerk smoothly and deeply. Not bad I thought. She leaned in to whisper as she continued to pull and tug.
"You gonna pay me the rest of my money?"
Now there are precious few questions I want to entertain during sex.
An even shorter list for sure when my cock is in the hand of someone I've known for all of 20 minutes.
Which ones you ask? Well, some questions I would allow for instance would be... "Can you pull my hair and choke me?" or "Can I get my sister and her hot friend to join us?"
or even, "Can you only put it half way in? I just can't take it all."
These are questions I would not only accept but welcome, seeing as like the last one, its yet to be asked. However, "You gonna pay me my money?" is not one of them.
As I pondered all this, her grip intensified.
So, I did what any male would do if his purple BFF was taken hostage and threatened. I picked her up and chucked her across the room.
Now... listen, wait just a minute...She was lighter than I expected. Possibly I was just eager to 'free Willy' and so I went overboard. She went higher, farther and faster than I expected and so the impact was just that much more intense.
Wasn't my intent...but overall a bronze effort maybe. Bouncing off the wall then the ground might get me the silver, but it was close and we all know how China would vote.
"I was going to pay you Dammit. No need to go Al Qaeda on my genitals."
That you got up was pretty impressive but what had my FULL attention was the sawed off shotgun you seemed to pull out of your ass.
It came from beneath the massage table I later determined but such things seem frivolous when a women is pointing the heat at you from several inches away.
I pretended to see something awful behind her and began to slowly say, "What the F..."
And it worked! She turned just enough and I knocked the gun upwards and bolted for the nearest door, the penis door, as the gun went off. Deafening.
Fine particles of suspended ceiling tile filled the air. Choking. And I hit the door with all I had.
The drill sound made more sense when I stood up. Dental drill. I was now in the hallway of a dentists office. Halfway between the waiting room and the billing station.
Other than my pants, which I was holding in my hands and the giant penis poster at my feet, I was naked. An old woman nearby popped her teeth in and said, "Well, hello there young man."
The sound of the shotgun reloading hit my eardrum and I bolted out the door and into the Honda.
For anyone one that saw me running naked...the dentist's office was really cold. Just sayin'.
Moral of this here story being: Do not take a penis poster to a gun fight. Or a masseuse to a dentist. Or something like that...
So I answered an ad for a masseuse with high expectations for a happy ending. Turns out this "professional" didn't have a license or a key to her own "shop".
When I mentioned the words HPV vaccinations, she said, and I quote, "What?". Your probably thinking-- So. What could go wrong with that scenario?
After climbing through the window, she opens the door and speaks to me as if she is seeing me for the first time, despite the fact that I picked her up at her apartment and she rode with me.
"Hi. Welcome. Come on in", as she mats her hair back into place.
As I entered, there appeared to be a massage table, lotions, candles and towels all neatly in place. A positive development except, that is, for a giant poster of a penis covering a door. Ignoring as best I could the penis poster,
I started to relax.
As I unzip my jeans she drops to her knees and tries yanking the Little N. out.
"Hey! Easy. Kinda want the therapeutic first, then full session..."
She was annoyed and while I disrobed she haggled over the money. So I finally said, "Half now, half when we are done." After a few back and forths, she agreed.
As I announced already, it started quite well. Possibly better than expected. I was feeling pretty loose. I did faintly notice the buzz of drills or at least what I could make of it. Maybe next door.
Oh yea. She flipped me over and within a few she had grabbed my erectness and began to jerk smoothly and deeply. Not bad I thought. She leaned in to whisper as she continued to pull and tug.
"You gonna pay me the rest of my money?"
Now there are precious few questions I want to entertain during sex.
An even shorter list for sure when my cock is in the hand of someone I've known for all of 20 minutes.
Which ones you ask? Well, some questions I would allow for instance would be... "Can you pull my hair and choke me?" or "Can I get my sister and her hot friend to join us?"
or even, "Can you only put it half way in? I just can't take it all."
These are questions I would not only accept but welcome, seeing as like the last one, its yet to be asked. However, "You gonna pay me my money?" is not one of them.
As I pondered all this, her grip intensified.
So, I did what any male would do if his purple BFF was taken hostage and threatened. I picked her up and chucked her across the room.
Now... listen, wait just a minute...She was lighter than I expected. Possibly I was just eager to 'free Willy' and so I went overboard. She went higher, farther and faster than I expected and so the impact was just that much more intense.
Wasn't my intent...but overall a bronze effort maybe. Bouncing off the wall then the ground might get me the silver, but it was close and we all know how China would vote.
"I was going to pay you Dammit. No need to go Al Qaeda on my genitals."
That you got up was pretty impressive but what had my FULL attention was the sawed off shotgun you seemed to pull out of your ass.
It came from beneath the massage table I later determined but such things seem frivolous when a women is pointing the heat at you from several inches away.
I pretended to see something awful behind her and began to slowly say, "What the F..."
And it worked! She turned just enough and I knocked the gun upwards and bolted for the nearest door, the penis door, as the gun went off. Deafening.
Fine particles of suspended ceiling tile filled the air. Choking. And I hit the door with all I had.
The drill sound made more sense when I stood up. Dental drill. I was now in the hallway of a dentists office. Halfway between the waiting room and the billing station.
Other than my pants, which I was holding in my hands and the giant penis poster at my feet, I was naked. An old woman nearby popped her teeth in and said, "Well, hello there young man."
The sound of the shotgun reloading hit my eardrum and I bolted out the door and into the Honda.
For anyone one that saw me running naked...the dentist's office was really cold. Just sayin'.
Moral of this here story being: Do not take a penis poster to a gun fight. Or a masseuse to a dentist. Or something like that...
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